Diary of a Lovable Mad Woman
by Wiggles-n-stuff
Summary: This is a supplement story to "Pam, Pete, and Harley". When Harleen Quinzel needs to sort her thoughts, she turns to her trusty diary. Now more than ever, since a new man has come into her life, a man called Peter Parker. Here are those thoughts on paper.
1. Chapter 1

**Diary of a Lovable Mad Woman**

**Harleen Quinzel**

**Nov. 10th, 20XX**

Mr. J has been texting me for a few days now. He says he misses me, and wants me back at his side. I can't help but find myself wishing it were true. Red want's nothing to do with him, and I can see her side of the story. He has abused me, both mentally and physically, and I know he'll do it again if I give in. She doesn't know I've been talking to him, I'm afraid to tell her. She'll be mad at me.

I think I still have feelings for him though. Considering I have replied to him each time. I tell him to stop, and leave me alone, but he persists asking me to come back. He wants the old days back, the fun, the crimes, playing with Bats. He is promising me things will be different...I...I want to believe him.

**Nov. 11th, 20XX**

Mr. J texted me again today. I've always liked that about him. He's tenacious, determined, and has a wondrous sense of humor. I look back on our adventures together and can't help but smile. Then I remember Red's words and warnings. I know she doesn't like Mr. J, but I'm wondering if it's just because she hasn't got to know him.

**Nov. 12th, 20XX**

The winter cold has finally set in, and Red looked so much like a zombie today. She was so funny the way she dragged her feet today. She even moaned like one of them. Hee hee hee hee. She's so adorable, I just want to squeeze her like a teddy bear. 3 3 3

~ Haven't heard from Mr. J today. Maybe he finally got the hint.

**Nov. 14****th****, 20XX**

While I was doing errands today my mind drifted to Mr. J. I walked by an old poster advertising the circus coming to town, that was what made me think of him. I wonder if he got the message. I haven't heard from him in two days. I guess that's okay, I shouldn't care about him. I can't want to go back to him can I?

Red locked herself in her garden again today. She barely comes out of there, and I rarely see her when she does. I'm feeling pretty lonely. Even meal times she is distant and removed. I miss my old vibrant Red. I'll try and get her to do something with me tomorrow.

**Nov. 15th, 20XX**

I'm really starting to worry about Pudding. He texted me everyday for a week, and now nothing. Did Bats catch him again? Is he back in Arkham? I hope he's okay.

Red hasn't come out of the lab since yesterday. I rented a movie for us to watch, but she wont come out to watch it. This home is feeling way to big now.

Pudding please contact me, I'm lonely and want to know you're okay.

**Nov. 16th, 20XX**

Still nothing on my damn phone! Pudding is in trouble, I just know it. I should let Red know, and we can do something, maybe check on Arkham. I know she has tunnels that run under the institution. She just needs to show me the way. If only she would come out of that room.

Please be okay Pudding, I miss you.

**Nov. 17th, 20XX**

I'm officially worried now. Nothing, there is nothing from him. No news reports on the television, no information on the net. Where is he, did Bats finally lose it? Is he dead? No, no, Pudding!

~ I finally talked to Red today. I asked her to help me look for Pudding. She yelled at me, and scared me. She says he is evil, abusive, and better off dead. I cried, and she returned to the damn garden.

She doesn't know Pudding like I do. He's not evil, just misunderstood. No one but me gets him. I know him. I want to be with him, protect him, love him.

**Nov. 18th, 20XX**

I was out all day today looking for my Pudding. I check some of our old hideouts. He wasn't at any of them. I'm so worried about him, I am a nervous wreck. I need to know he's safe and sound. My feet are sore, and I cried again today.

Once again Red, hasn't been out today.

~ PUDDING TEXTED ME! He's okay! He says he's been laying low, and has been worried about me. He wants to meet up and make sure I'm okay. He says he'll send me a meeting place tomorrow, after he makes sure it's a safe place for me. I can't wait. I'll get to hold my Pudding, and squeeze him, and everything will be back to normal. We'll laugh and play and be a happy family again. I missed him so much. I can't wait to show him how much I still love him.

**Nov. 19th, 20XX**

I have the address and am about to head out. I am going to leave a note with Red so she knows where I'm at, at Pudding's request. He says its so she wont worry about me. I'm so excited.

~ I'm such a fool. A stupid, stupid, moronic, worthless fool. I should have known the Joker wouldn't have changed. He used me, my feelings for him, and took me hostage when I arrived. He knocked me out, and when I woke up I heard yelling. Red came for me as soon as she found my note, and was trapped in a metal cage. Red was already weak, the cold weather making her sluggish. She warned me, tried to keep me safe, why didn't I listen to her. Mister J. brought me out tied up, and taunted Red. He lit the cage on fire, and lifted it off the ground. He told me without her we could be together again. I was so scared for her life.

Then a savior arrived, a hero I had never seen. He literally whisked me away into the air and his strong toned arms. He was no Batman, he joked with Mister J., taunted him, easily catching the razor cards, and even dodging a bullet. So amazing. He looked so very cool. I had to get a better look. He stopped the fire on the cage with an extinguisher, that he roped in from another wall. Says his name is Spider-Man, so it was probably webbing. He saved both Red and I, he must have been new.

Mister J. launched a rocket at us, and Spider-Man saved us. He was so manly, and funny, I couldn't help but be enthralled. He is strong too, he bent those thick metal bars like they were nothing. He said he needed to get Red to a hospital, and I panicked. I convinced him to return to our home. He saved us, but I couldn't let him go out and spill the beans where we are hiding. He stopped my mallet, like he knew it was coming, but Red put him under with her kiss.

I cannot believe how Spider-Man looks so normal and sexy at the same time. I was actually a bit worried what was under the mask, but he was normal, must be a metahuman like Red. Red stripped him, fearing that he was like Bats and had hidden gadgets. He was naked underneath, and oh that body. I couldn't help but stare. Then a surprise, his costume changed colors as soon as it was off him. The material is so soft and fluid, almost like silk. I want some.

He woke up, and tried to escape. We were both caught off guard at his speed and strength. He almost got away, but Red's plants stopped him. She hypnotized him, and we found out his name is Peter Parker. It's cute, just like him. Then Red almost kills him with her death kiss. I couldn't help but feel guilty. He saved us, was captured by us, and then about to die because he didn't know us. I came up with an idea, and convinced Red to use him instead. Having him and his powers on our side, would make us safer, and save his life. She saved him, I was so relieved.

Now he's tied up very tightly in the storage room. We are waiting for him to wake up, and tell him his new roll. Red noticed that he broke from her kiss very quickly, and guessed he had some sort of toxin resistance, she's up in the garden making something for him. I'm so intrigued by him. He seemed so full of life, so very unlike any of the capes around here. He could be fun to have around. I'm anxiously awaiting him waking u...oh speak of the devil.

**A/N:** Well here it is, the first chapter of Dairy of a Lovable Mad Woman. Okay I should explain more about what will be going on in these chapters. I'm going to try and make it sound just like a diary. The way I see it Harleen has kept her analytical mind when she writes. However there are points where we see her bubbly personality come through. The entries are probably mostly gonna be short, but now that Peter is around they will be longer. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed some background for the background. R&R people, thanks for reading. Wiggles out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Diary of a Lovable Mad Woman**

**Harleen Quinzel**

KEY: (Later entry in the same day)

**Nov. 20th, 20XX**

If even half of what Peter told us last night was true, he's an astounding individual. He claims, and Red confirmed, that he came from another dimension. He's from a world similar to our own, however without a Gotham City. He came from New York, and has been a hero since the tender age of 15. That puts him roughly around my age, as I was in high school myself around that time.

Apparently another cape from his world named Wanda was the reason he was here. She must have some serious power to be able to break into another dimension. Either way it left Peter here, and now he's with us.

Red created a new seed which she planted on his brain stem. She can kill him or stop him at will now, as well as keep an eye on him. I actually felt pretty bad for doing this to our hero, but I'll get to get to know him now. Of that I am excited.

I fell asleep late last night listening to his adventures. It shocked me just how calm he was about this, even if he's been through sim9ilar situations in the past. In my professional opinion he uses comedy and talking to mask his insecurities, like many of us do. Even with that being said, his stories had me in awe until I finally dozed off. He's been to so many places, done so many things, and from my guess saved hundreds, if not thousands or more. This is actually a perfect opportunity to learn what drives heroes, I can learn from Peter, and I'm sure it'll be a delight along the way.

He woke me up by covering me in a blanket, he's so sweet. Even if I am his captor, and a criminal, he still treated me with such kindness. I didn't stir, I didn't want his act to be diminished, but what happened after shocked me even more. He confronted Red, questioning her about his role, even going so far as to challenge her. He paid for it, but then the most amazing thing happened, he got her to joke. It may not have been anything big, but it's more than she's responded to me for a while. Now he's really got my attention. He fell asleep in the recliner, I took one last glance at him and couldn't help but smile.

~ Despite his circumstances, Peter slept so peacefully. I can't fathom how much trauma he went through last night, and yet here he is asleep in a chair like a child at rest. I couldn't fight my compulsion to be nice to our new captive. I made us breakfast. When he woke up the dreamy look on his face made me smile. It was a simple breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast, but he ate it with vigor, and complimented me on my cooking. He's so cute and polite. Then he asked me what happens now. He had no identification outside of his wallet, which wouldn't help considering he doesn't exist in this world. He offhandedly mentioned not having anything to wear, and that solidified what we were doing today. I was gonna take Petey shopping. This is gonna be so much fun.

~ I can't believe how much I've written today alone in here. The last two entries have more written than all last month. I realize Peter is the main focus here as well, but he's something exciting and new, and very worth writing about. I really really want a costume made up of the material Peter has for his. He can actually morph it by thought into street clothes. I'm half tempted to steal his costume for my own.

Peter was a good sport on our shopping trip, he was genuinely surprised at my willingness to pay for new clothing and guy stuff he would need. He was so curteous, and did everything I asked without much question, even if the quips came out regularly. I like that about him, he jokes about life, himself, and the most random of things. I find myself relating to him on that level.

He told me in his world he lived on the bare minimum, which I immediately reeled back at. I couldn't imagine the life such a man as Peter could be living over there. I even have the feeling he would be living in some abandoned building with just his costume, hadn't he been taken in by us

Our shopping trip today was interrupted by the pyromaniac Firefly. I was left carrying the bags, but I was also left with a rather intriguing phrase Peter told me before he became Spider-Man. "With great power comes great responsibility". Those words struck me as incredibly important to his drive as Spider-Man, especially as how somber he was when he said them. I felt I caught a glimpse of who Peter Parker and Spider-Man really were. I returned home hoping he would come back safely.

~ Selina surprised us today with a visit. She doesn't come by much unless there is a need, but she said she had an interesting run-in today. She met Spider-Man today, telling us about his run in with Firefly and her first impressions. I could barely hold back my want to tell her about Peter. She told me of their meeting, calling him an adorable goofy do-gooder. I finally broke down, unable to contain my news for her. Her expression will forever be etched into my mind. Boy I wish I had a camera on me..oh wait I had my phone...damn.

Peter returned home a few hours after Selina. Lets just say you had to be there to see the shock on his face. Red and I explained Selina's partnership with us, even if Red threw in some less than friendly comments about Kitty Cat. Still it was a fun evening, involving more stories from Peter...and flirting by Selina. I know she's naturally that way, but I had the urge to whack her with my mallet several times. I don't want to admit I was jealous, but I saw him first.

**Nov. 21st, 20XX**

It was a pleasant way to start the day this morning. Peter got up before either of us, and made breakfast today. It was basically the same thing I made for him yesterday, but waking up to the smell of a fresh pot of coffee is always a good way to begin the day. Red even took a plate of food begrudgingly, when Peter brought it to her room. He's such a sweetheart, even to her and her cold uncaring attitude towards him.

We decided that the downstairs storage room would become his new room. It was much smaller than ours, packed with stuff, concrete walls and floors, and barely a foot by two foot window, but he gladly accepted it. We spent the better part of the next five hours clearing stuff out and rearranging things. His strength is impressive, but I already knew that. Still watching him lifting heavy objects with ease was...mmmm.

Peter left on his 'patrol' after he finished putting his stuff in his room. He told me that he couldn't take a day off, even in this new world. What could drive such a kind soul to be this vigilant? I think I'll ask him after some time has past. Maybe it has something to do with that saying he told me the other day.

**Nov. 22nd, 20XX**

Selina came over again today, she wanted some backup for her transaction of the information she stole. Considering it was taken from Black Mask's men, after he put so much work into stealing it himself, she wanted to be cautious.

Red 'volunteered' Peter for the job. He began to protest, but was paralyzed and told he had no say. Both Selina and I cringed at the show of force. I know that Red hates men, and that she thought of Peter as nothing but an object to be used, but still. After she explained his role amongst us again, she left and told us to take care of the rest. Peter just brushed it off. I could see the defiance and anger in his eyes, and didn't blame him for it. Not more than a moment later he asked where we should start.

I went to Red after Peter went on patrol. I wanted to get her opinion on our new roommate. She told me to not get attached. He was nothing but a tool, and was already wearing on her nerves. She blamed me for spoiling him and being way to friendly. She said I need to distance myself from him before I end up getting hurt again. I know she was referencing my relationship with the Joker, but Peter wasn't anything like the Mr. J, was he? Was he just biding his time till he found a way out of Red's control? Only being friendly with us so we would let our guard down? I'm not so sure, but then again, I haven't been the best judge of character in the past, as Red reminded me.

**Nov. 23rd, 20XX**

I woke up to the smell of heavenly coffee again this morning. I could get used to this. Peter left early today to go on patrol, saying that he had to do something since he was both jobless and technically lifeless. That got me wondering if maybe we could forge an existence for him. I reminded him that we still needed to work on his new identity, and he said he'd be back after a few hours.

I went to Red with this idea. She was less than enthused, and told me to leave the matter alone. She can be a real meanie during the winter months. So I decided to ask Kitty Cat when she got here for Peter's training.

Selina agreed, albeit with much coaxing, to give Petey an Identity. When he got back we started with fighting techniques. Neither I nor Kitty Cat could land a blow on him, even when we fought him together. It was like he could predict our attacks beforehand. He reminded us of his six sense, he calls his spider-sense. He's more than capable in hand to hand, so we worked on other aspects of his yet to be named persona.

When Red finally joined us, saying we were making to much noise, she took Peter aside and explained how he was to act while working with us. I get the feeling she really didn't want him to be anything more than silent muscle, which I agree would be nice, but part of his charm is his badinage. Still when she explained it was actually for the greater good, as we didn't want any connections to his hero identity, we relented. It was one of the few times I've ever seen Selina and Red agree completely on something.

After training Peter left again for patrol. I wanted us to talk, so I could get to know him better, but he said he needed to be out there for now, and promised that tomorrow we could talk. I'm looking forward to it.

**A/N:** And I'm gonna stop chapter 2 there. Mainly because we've almost caught up with PP&H, more will come out after the next PP&H chapter. So I was surprised by the response to this side story. I'm glad you all like it. Hopefully I can continue to keep to your expectations. So a couple of questions I should answer. This diary will stay in the past, following the past events in PP&H, but at a much more linear pace. There will be time skips in here, but not until later, as I'd rather not repeat everyday happenings once Peter has had time to acclimate. As for diarys or journals of the other characters, I'll see how well this one works before I think on it. As much as I'd like to give you all a piece of what's in Pam's mind, I feel that I would just be repeating things here from a different, and more cold perspective. I hope you understand. Anyways I know it's not a new PP&H chapter, but Merry X-Mas everybody. Expect a new chapter in the main story in the next few weeks. Until then, Wiggles out.

**HaywireEagle:** Actually it's Pudding. I feel Harley wouldn't write how she talks, considering I'm trying to go more with her Psychologist mind here. I know, I wish I could change the text. I write these chapters in a cursive font, for realism, but that doesn't translate, plus I would have totally put doodles in here for her. Considering the cry for me to do other spin offs, I'm not to sure, only time will tell. Thanks for reading.

**Arrankor:** Yeah I thought Harleen would be the kind of person to keep a rather vivid diary, and wanted to show more to the story than just Pete's perspective. Glad you enjoyed it.

**TheWickedTruth89:** Thank you for reading. Here's more.

**The Raggle Fraggle:** No problem, I was originally gonna have Peter explain it, but then I thought I would have need more context into how the girls actually got there. Something I'm sure Peter wouldn't know because I'm sure Harley wouldn't have told him out of shame, and Pam because she doesn't care about him enough to tell, well at that point in the story anyway. I am not gonna jump back and forth, but I will be jumping forward after a while, to keep things from going stale. We'll have to see on Pam's diary, only time will tell.

**Dragonskyt:** Glad you liked it.

**Psudocode Samurai: **Yeah, and a bit of foreshadowing, it's not over either.

**alchemists19:** Here you go then.

**im ur misconception:** I hope well enough to keep your attention. And here's some more.

**Nyx811:** Thanks.


End file.
